Adopting Older Children

Adopting older children can be the answer to both an adult's desire to be a parent and a child's desire to have a family and a home. Will this option work for you and your family?

People are interested in adopting older children for many reasons. For some, the process of adopting an older child, either through foster care or through an adoption agency, is much quicker than adopting an infant. For others, there may be an older child in their life, such as a relative or friend, that needs a stable environment. While both of these are certainly viable reasons for adopting an older child, consider the following:

• Some people are just more comfortable interacting and caring for older children, who are much more independent than babies. You can begin developing shared hobbies, have conversations, and spend time together doing a variety of activities that simply can't be done with a newborn.
• A history of the older child's physical and mental abilities, health issues, talents, skills, and development has already been established.
• In many cases, you can spend time with the child to see if your interests are compatible.
• An older child can provide you insight into his or her past, including different cultures, relatives, memories, etc.
• Older parents sometimes want older children so that they aren't "too old" to handle parenting as their child grows up.

One of the most compelling reasons for adopting a child that is older is the need that the child has for a positive role model in his or her life. Because older children aren't always the first choice when it comes to adoption, many of them live out their childhood in orphanages or foster care. When an older child is adopted, she becomes part of a family, and this can change her life in extraordinary ways!

If you are interested in the adoption of an older child, there are several key points to remember.

• Be patient. Bonding with an older child won't be instantaneous. An older child often has many emotional issues to deal with, including the knowledge that his parents gave him up or were unable to care for him. Even though you might have spent time with him prior to the adoption, you are in essence still a stranger. Give this relationship time to grow.
• Watch your expectations. Many experiences that you take for granted, such as shopping in the mall, wearing a seatbelt, or renting a movie, may not have been experienced by your child. Take the time to teach her about life in her new world, and don't be disappointed when she seems reticent to learn. Again, patience is the key to a successful adoption.
• Embrace your child's identity. If you are adopting a child from another culture, embrace her identity. Encourage her to hold on to her heritage.
• Create a safe, stable environment. All children deserve the right to live in a safe, stable home. Try to keep your daily schedule as calm and routine as possible. Older children need just as much routine and stability as younger children do.
• Make a commitment. Adopting a child is making a commitment. Don't give up when things get tough. Parenting is a long road, regardless of whether you became a parent through childbirth or through adoption.
• Don't do this alone. It's okay to feel guilty about any negative feelings you may have as you establish a relationship with your child. In many cases, every member of the family can benefit from counseling. There are numerous organizations devoted to the education and promotion of adopting older children. For more information, check out the following links:
  • Adopting.org
  • ICHILD.org
  • Barker Foundation

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