Bonding with Baby

Why Is Bonding with Baby So Important?

Your baby's first relationships will be with you and your partner. They will help him to develop normally. When baby monkeys were given stuffed animals instead of their real mothers, they tried over and over to bond with these poor substitutes. Of course, it simply couldn't occur, and the monkeys were developmentally delayed. In fact, they basically failed to thrive in almost every area of their lives. Babies who don't bond with their parents or guardians may very well meet the same fate.

When Does Bonding with Baby Occur?

Are you a bad mother if you don't feel an instant connection to your baby as soon as she is placed in your arms? Of course not! When you met the love of your life, there might have been an instant attraction, but was there an unbreakable bond? Probably not. This sort of relationship occurs over time. As you shared your memories, your past, and your dreams with your new love, your bond grew stronger. As you spent time together, getting to know one another, that bond tightened. The same can be said for you and your baby.

As you look back on the first six weeks of your newborn's life, the memory of that time will most likely be a big blur. You basically survived between feedings, burpings, and changing diapers. As I think back to my son's first couple of months, what I remember most is sitting on the couch and nursing, nursing, nursing! I was a breastfeeding couch potato! Still, now that my son is well into his second year of life, I think back on that time fondly.

The point is that you may not begin to feel that intense feeling of love towards your baby until he gives you that first smile or until he immediately quiets at your touch.

How Can You Encourage Bonding?

1. Touching your child is important. As you lovingly feed her, rock her, and bathe her, you are bonding with her. She is learning to look to you for her security and care.
2. Talking to your baby is another important way to bond. Look deeply into her eyes as you speak or sing to her. Eye to eye contact is so important!
3. Respond to her needs. When your baby cries for you to hold her, respond to those cries. No matter what her grandma might say, you aren't spoiling her!
4. Skin to skin contact is another way to bond with your child. The feel of your skin against your baby's may soothe his fussiness.

Bonding With Daddy

Since moms sometime have an advantage over dads in the bonding area, dads may need to make an extra effort to bond with their babies, especially if mom is breastfeeding. There are lots of ways for dad to bond, however.

1. If mom is breastfeeding, she might want to pump so that dad can still feed baby.
2. Bathtime is a great way to bond with baby!
3. Don't forget to read and sing to your infant!
4. Rock your baby to sleep.

Ask For Help

Finally, don't feel guilty if the bond between you and your infant isn't immediate. If you are feeling overwhelmed, ask for help from family and friends. The stronger your support system is, the more competent you'll feel. If after several weeks, you still feel an emotional detachment to your child, contact your doctor. It may simply be a hormonal imbalance.

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