Infant Separation Anxiety

Understanding Infant Separation Anxiety

You many wonder why your happy-go-lucky baby goes from the smiling easy-going infant who enjoys being passed from lap to lap to a fearful baby that cries if he finds himself in the arms of someone other than his parents. It's important to know that infant separation anxiety is a normal stage of development. Levels of anxiety differ from one child to another, and the length of time it takes to outgrow it will also vary for each child.

Up until the age of 6-months, your baby identifies his parent as the primary caregiver. During this developmental stage, he reaches several baby milestones involving basic movements and reflexes. The focus of life for babies at this time include meeting immediate needs for things like food, attention and love. Part of this learning process includes learning to cry for attention. This signals the discovery of his independent will and how it impacts you. Once this independence is realized, the baby grows to realize that he is not only separate from you, but that you can leave him.

Tactics to Help Your Baby

Experts agree that infant separation anxiety usually diminishes between the ages 18-months and 2 ½ years of age. By age 3 your baby should fully grow out of it. To help your baby and you through this emotionally difficult stage try these ideas:

Say Bye-Bye

As much as you don't want to see your baby to cry because you're leaving, don't sneak out of the house to avoid a scene. Such actions might actually intensify infant separation anxiety. Instead, wave bye-bye and bear the tears. This way your child knows you are leaving and learns that you do return. Over time, this builds trust. It takes repetition for your child to learn that when you say bye-bye, you will be gone for a time, but then you'll walk back through the door too. There are no surprises.

To build this trust, explain in simple terms that you are going bye-bye and will be back. Prepare him ahead of time so that when it comes time to walk out the door it's not a shock. Even if he doesn't like it, you've laid the foundation for him to know you are leaving and that you will return.

You can also change things up and have the babysitter take your baby to the park or for a walk. This way, your child is the one who says bye-bye, and when they come home you will have already gone. Again, make this clear to the child before he leaves or next time he may resist going to the park because he'll fear that you'll be gone when he returns.

Provide Security

Another trick some parents find useful is to offer the child a special object. What this is will depend on your baby. Some children have a favorite blanket or toy, or you may try giving them a photo of the family so they can still see you while you're gone. A babysitter can use this photo to talk about you and reassure your baby that mommy and daddy will be coming home in a little while. A reminder like this can help your child cope with the fact that you are not there.

Stay Calm

As much as it breaks your heart to see your baby cry or throw a tantrum because you are leaving, don't let your own anxiety show. If you make a big deal out of walking out the door and your child picks up on your apprehension, it may make your baby feel even more insecure. Instead keep it light, blow kisses and catch them to take with you, or use some other routine that works for you. If you feel like crying, don't do it until you are out the door. Instead project calm; otherwise your baby will pick up on your anxiety, and that anxiety will make things worse.