Sibling Rivalry

Before Your Newborn Arrives

You'll need to begin preparing your older child or children for the new baby before she arrives. Even so, you might still experience some sibling rivalry. How soon you begin to do this really depends upon the age of your child. If he is a toddler, you might want to wait until your pregnancy is beginning to show. If he is older, though, and you are already telling others about the pregnancy, you need to tell him, also. It is very important that the news come from you and not some other family member or friend. As you prepare your child for the impending birth of his brother or sister, keep the following points in mind.

1. Keep the details to a minimum, at least until closer to your actual due date. Unless your child is quite a bit older, the nine months that it takes for a baby to be born can seem like an eternity.
2. Include your child as you plan for the new baby. Let him help you pick out items for the nursery, and don't forget to let him pick out something small for himself, too.
3. As the birth of your newborn approaches, make sure you have a plan in place for when you go to the hospital. Let your child know where he will be staying, and talk to him about how long you'll be gone.
4. If someone is giving you a shower, think about letting your older child attend. Involve her as much as possible. Let her open presents. Scatter a few inexpensive gifts for her in with the baby gifts, so she doesn't feel left out. These gifts could include crayons and coloring book, bubbles, puzzles, etc.
5. Let her bring a gift for the baby to the shower so that everyone can make a fuss over how wonderful that gift is.

Once Baby Arrives

Once your new baby has been born, life will be a big blur for the next few weeks. You'll find yourself feeling overprotective of the infant, while at the same time you'll feel torn at the amount of time the new baby takes away from your older child. Remember, you may not be able to do it all, so don't be afraid to ask for help! Keep the following suggestions in mind as you attempt to navigate the next few weeks.

1. Take one day at a time. Remember, hormones can wreak havoc on your emotions!
2. Spend one-on-one time with your older child every day.
3. Let your older child hold the new baby. Although you may be feeling overprotective, it is important that your older child is given the role of big brother or sister. He won't want to hold the baby long, so grin and bear it!
4. Let your older child help take care of the newborn. Even if he is a toddler, he can bring you diapers, wipes, blankets, etc. Praise him when he helps out. He'll be proud of his accomplishments.
5. Of course you'll be spending a lot of time caring for your newborn, but take advantage of quiet time by reading to your other child or snuggling on the couch to watch a video together.

Handling Sibling Rivalry

Unfortunately, you probably won't be able to avoid witnessing some sibling rivalry, but there are some steps you can take to lessen its occurance.

1. Help your other child talk about her feelings towards the new baby. Be sure you tell her that it is alright for her to feel jealous, and help her learn how to express those feelings in a positive way.
2. Continue to spend special time with your older child. Admonish bad behavior, and praise good behavior. Positive reinforcement can go a long way towards correcting a problem.
3. Be realistic in your expectations. Your older child may not fall in love at first sight with the new baby, and this is perfectly normal.
4. Don't force the issue. Deal with negative behavior in an appropriate way, and let time handle the rest.
5. Finally, continue to be patient and loving with your older child.

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