Toddler Separation Anxiety

From LoveToKnow Baby

Toddler separation anxiety is a common emotional and developmental phase that all toddlers experience at least to some degree. Sometimes it only occurs occasionally, while for other babies, it appears to be a daily ritual. You love your little guy, and it hurts you to see him so unhappy, but what's a parent to do?

Can Your Baby Love You Too Much?

Well, that question is easy! Of course not! In fact, I'm sure you've been secretly pleased when your toddler won't have anything to do with anyone but you. You've probably experienced a few moments of hidden glee when your darling ran to your arms instead of into your mother-in-law's, right? Don't worry! Those feelings are natural! After all, in your toddler's world, you are everything!

Still, there have probably been times when his obsession has gone a tad overboard. Remember how you longed for a few precious moments of privacy as you walked into the bathroom with your toddler clinging to your leg? Sometimes, a toddler can become so obsessed that all she has to do is watch her beloved parent walk into another room, and she'll cry hysterically as she runs after mom or dad.

How Long Will Toddler Separation Anxiety Last?

With the exception of the first day of school in your child's elementary years, trust me, eventually, your child will become much more focused on other happenings in his world instead of on how near or far he is in relation to you. Once he becomes a teenager, you'll wish he was a little more focused on spending time with you!

Until then, try not to get too caught up in your child's overemotional state. The worst of his separation anxiety should be over by around three years or so.

What Causes Toddler Separation Anxiety?

Remember when I told you that you are your toddler's whole world? Well, that explains a lot of it. He doesn't have a firm grasp on time. When you leave, you're gone, and he doesn't know when you are coming back. Some parents might reason that their child has problems with separation simply because they work all day. However, stay-at-home parents might reason that their child is so used to being with them, that they can't stand to be separated at all! So you see, there really isn't any one answer as to why it happens, or why it occurs more often and more intensely in some children more than others.

How Can I Help My Child Overcome Toddler Separation Anxiety?

No matter how flattering it is to know that your child appears to need you so desperately, you still want to help her through this emotional time in her life. How can you do that? Some of the following suggestions might help you and your child adjust to the time you have to spend away from each other, whether that time is an hour or two or a few days.

First, don't sneak away! Even though this might make it easier for you, it won't be easier on your toddler. Let her see you leave, even if it is through her tears! If you continue to sneak off, she'll become even more worried that you might disappear at any time, making it difficult for you to walk from one room of your house to another!
Encourage your child to have a "lovey", a transitional object, such as a blanket or stuffed toy that she can hold onto...in other words, a security blanket.
If you know you're going to be gone for a longer than normal period, help your child work up to that separation by taking shorter breaks away from her.
If you are using a new babysitter, be sure you have the sitter come early so that all of you can spend some time together before you leave.
While you don't want to sneak away from your baby, you can help her become involved in a fun activity that will occupy at least some of her attention as you leave.
Try to leave on a positive note. Sure, you're little one may be clinging to your leg and staring up at you with large, tear-filled eyes, but you can respond with smiles, big hugs, and a happy good-bye. On the same note, make your homecoming just as pleasant. You want your baby to associate happy thoughts, not bad ones with your coming and going.
Finally, don't feel guilty about your child's overwrought emotions. Keep reminding yourself that this is a stage. She'll get through it, and so will you!

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Comments

Judy, Don't worry. She is just going through a period in which she needs extra attention. If you want her out of your bed, however, don't bring her to bed with you when she gets upset. Instead, talk calmly to her, then walk out of the room. She may not like it, but she will eventually figure out that she needs to sleep in her bed. Good luck!-Susie

-- Contributed by: Susie1506

My daughter is 18 months old and I am 3 months pregnant. Very suddenly, she wants to sleep right next to me and snuggle into me constantly. She even turns her face into my chest and sits very still for long periods of time. She wants to be right by me constantly. Nothing, not even her lamb or binky will make it OK to stay in her crib. Nothing else has changed, other than some traveling, but she has been with us. Should I be worried?

-- Contributed by: Judy

Kimlai, Her separation anxiety is very natural and will lessen over time. Try to make your partings from her as upbeat and positive as possible. Eventually, she will adjust to her new routine. She should be fine!-Susie

-- Contributed by: Susie1506

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