61 Funny Baby Quotes to Laugh Through the Ups & Downs

Loving Couple Cuddling Baby Daughter

Parenting a baby is an amazing experience full of insurmountable highs and shocking lows. Raising kids is a rollercoaster, and sometimes all one can do is hold on for dear life and laugh through the tears. These funny baby quotes about life with little ones sum up this stage of life perfectly.

Funny Baby Quotes for New Parents

Congrats! You are a parent! It's great. You are going to love it...most of it anyway. The vast majority of becoming a new parent is wonderful, beautiful, and rewarding, but that said, there are going to be some sticky times ahead. These funny baby quotes will help every new parent giggle through the trying times.

  • Nothing strikes fear in a new parent's heart like these words: Baby. Shark.
  • You think these newborn cries are loud? Just wait until you hear a teenager wail!
  • Nature makes newborns cute so that once they grow into hormonal tyrants, you already adore them.
  • If ever you think you have nothing in common with your baby, remember that you both require a bottle by the day's end.
  • Parenting a newborn is like having a full-time job, without lunch breaks, or 8-hour shifts for 18 straight years.
  • Having a small child means you never get to use the bathroom in private again.
  • When you have a baby, you can't remember what life was like before them. Actually, you can't remember anything at all!
  • You never forget your firstborn baby...the trauma won't let you.
  • Having a baby means 10% of your time is spent parenting and 90% of your time is spent wishing for sleep.
  • Parenting a new baby is like learning to drive a car...without a steering wheel...blindfolded.
  • Having a new baby: Where your heart increases in size and your brain capacity diminishes into fuzz.
  • Crying, constant sleeping, six outfit changes a day. Having an infant baby is really just a prep course in what is coming at you in the teenage years.
  • Having an infant is like having a drunk college friend live with you. There is crying, drinking, throw up, and daily bouts of passing out.
  • A newborn baby will make you want to call your parents every day and apologize over and over again.
  • If you want to make a new parent cry, tell them that the infant years are actually the easy years.
  • A new baby smile is the most beautiful thing in the world until you realize it came along with a smell.
  • Having a new baby will make you so grateful for everything, like the fact that your cells didn't multiply and create twins.
Woman looking at mother kissing baby girl while standing at home

Funny Baby Quotes for Parents Adding Another Baby to the Family

So you thought that you had this whole parenting a baby thing down SO good that you took a swing at another one? Life gets really interesting once the family expands and parents move to man-on-man defense. These quotes are tailored to parents who doubled their kid quota and divided their time in half. Best of luck guys, you are going to need it!

  • Adding another child to the mix is like getting into a boat that is clearly sinking.
  • Well, you've gone and done it now. You gave your toddler a partner in crime.
  • How's it feel to know that the tiny army that is taking you down was built by your own body?
  • Once the kids outnumber you, your only tactic is to hide and try to survive.
  • Baby number one was never out of your arms. Parents of a second child will pass off the new arrival to anyone with a pulse.
  • For parents of another kid, the hottest thing that you can say to your partner is, "I'll take over."
  • There is no way a baby isn't partly magical. They have the ability to make you forget those trying baby years and pray for another kid. If that isn't wizardry, then really, what is?
  • Watching your wild child bond with the new baby is such a special time. It's times like these where you realize that they will certainly be able to break each other out of jail.
  • Ever watched the movie Animal House? That is basically what parenting a houseful of small kids looks like.
  • Looking at your new baby and your toddler makes you suddenly realize that it is them against you for the rest of your life.
  • You can have a toddler and a baby, or you can have nice things. You can not have both.
  • Having a second child means saying likes like, "Stop licking your sister's ear," in public and never thinking twice about it.
  • You've added another kid to the bunch and upgraded your title from parent to referee.
  • The term "thrown to the wolves" probably came from a household with a toddler and a new baby.
  • Life with kids and a new baby is crazy. If you manage to put pants on and keep everyone alive, you are a superstar.
Siblings playing together

Funny Baby Quotes for Tired Parents

Having a baby means you will be forever smiling and forever yawning. Parents of tots don't sleep. They move through life in a perpetual zombie state of exhaustion. These witty quotes are just for those tired parents who dream of naps.

  • Expectant parents pray for their baby. New parents pray for sleep.
  • A baby is an angel until you place him/her in bed with you. Then he/she transforms into a jackknife ninja.
  • Your baby doesn't let you sleep because he/she is afraid you'll miss her too much. Babies are givers.
  • Setting down a snoozing baby takes tactical military skills. If the army ever needs someone to handle a bomb, you are their person.
  • You're a parent now. Never again will you love this deep, smile this wide, or sleep this little.
  • The greatest acts of desperation are by parents who are sleep-deprived.
  • Parents of babies have never wished for anything more than a nap.
  • "Sleep when the baby sleeps" is something only people without kids say.
  • Parents who claim to have great infant sleepers aren't intentionally lying. They are just passed out from exhaustion half of the time, so they don't actually know that their baby is wide awake.
  • If your friend wakes up your sleeping baby...they aren't really your friend.
  • If your union can survive the sleepless infant nights, then you are probably going to be good from then on out.
  • Having a new baby is having a life full of hopes and dreams, or just hopes because you actually need to sleep in order to dream.
  • Babies never sleeping is their way of making sure parents are never bored. Always looking out those little ones!
  • Parents of new babies pray hard, mostly for sleep, but they pray a lot, nonetheless.
Sleeping newborn baby

Funny Foodie Baby Quotes

Culinary cuisine and table manners fly right out the window with babies. A world with bottles and the beginnings of people food gets messy and hilarious and these funny baby quotes prove exactly that.

  • Having a little one means learning to love all beige-colored foods.
  • Being a new parent means that it is suddenly acceptable to eat scraps off of your baby's plate.
  • Parenting babies involves an entirely new food vocabulary and includes words like "floor snacks."
  • The only time in the new parent experience where none of you is crying is when everyone has a bottle, parents included.
  • Any new parent will tell you that getting food into a baby's actual mouth is truly the greatest challenge in the universe.
  • You don't know true fear until you find an old sippy cup of milk rolling around in the back of your minivan.
  • Want to watch your tot instantaneously explode? Give him/her the wrong colored sippy cup.
  • The most unfun game in the parenting world is the one where the baby throws every morsel of food onto the floor.
  • Sitting through an entire meal is just another thing that parents of babies will never get to do.
  • Feeding tiny tots is like a carnival game. Grab a piece of food and try to shoot it into their mouths as they run around the dinner table in circles.
  • Want to experience the seventh circle of hell? Take your baby to a nice restaurant.
  • Teaching young kids table manners is harder than teaching a foreign language to a cat.
  • Spit up is now your badge of honor. Wear it proudly and find others with the same stains. These are your people.
  • Babies truly take after their parents. They get unruly and cranky if they don't get their evening bottle.
  • Tots must be able to receive nutrients through their skin because no food ever actually makes it into their mouths.
baby girl drinking water

Babies Make Life Worthwhile

Yes, babies are hard work. They will try your patience, bring you to your knees and keep you up all night long for years on end, but they are worth it. Finding the humor in the mess in parenthood reminds moms or dads that the human experience is far from perfect, but when all is said and done, you would do it all again in a heartbeat.

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61 Funny Baby Quotes to Laugh Through the Ups & Downs